23 / M / SF Bay Area

I think too much. This is where it ends up.

Send me some Asks, goddamn.


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"It’s all a matter of paying attention, being awake in the present moment, and not expecting a huge payoff. The magic in this world seems to work in whispers and small kindnesses."
Charles de Lint

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Artist: Cake

Song: I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor cover)

Album: Fashion Nugget

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"The biggest obstacles you’ll have to overcome are not out there in the world. They are inside your head. They’re your dragons. You can’t pay anyone to slay them for you. So pick up your sword and start hacking."

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"

A summer’s eve lying in the cool grass of days gone by
And I could get lost in your blue skies of spider silk
I wake in the half-sweet exhaust of some smoker’s trail
The last vestiges of one who was so tangibly here

Sitting with you under an eternally starry sky
These memories bathed in perpetual light
I’m seeing your eyes in everyone else,
and these long-lost memories begin
It’s not them I want; it’s you that I crave,
and your waves come crashing again

Your imprints are everywhere, in everything I see
Dreaming of a time when again we would be
staring glassy-eyed into the familiar abyss
And the moments that never happened are the ones that I miss

"
Spider Silk by Tetrafusion

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"Only be with someone who you think you can learn from. They should be smarter than you in certain ways so that you can continue to grow and be interested. Above all, you should undoubtedly be proud that you are with them."
something my 10th grade history teacher told me about how he knew he wanted to marry his wife

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18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because,  hey, you weren’t together together.

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.

14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate. 

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"
  1. You are stronger than you realise.
  2. You are crueller than you realise.
  3. The smallest words will break your heart.
  4. You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
  5. People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
  6. You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
  7. You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
  8. You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
  9. Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
  10. Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
  11. You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
  12. Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
  13. You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
  14. Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
  15. You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
  16. You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
  17. You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
  18. Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
  19. People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
  20. You will be okay.
  21. You will be okay.
"
21 things my father never told me

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awildgrantaireappeared: <3 <3 <3 happy thoughts and good vibes <3

Thank you. I’m really trying to do my best. I’m just in such a back-and-forth funk, it’s hard to think anything with any sense of certainty :/ I really appreciate the kind thoughts though <3

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Artist: Skrillex

Song: All I Ask of You (feat. Penny)

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"I know it’s easier to walk away than look it in the eye
But I had given all that I could take
And now I’ve only habits left to break
Tonight I’ll still be lying here
Surrounded in all the light"
Surrounded by Dream Theater

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"

On the dark side
We’ll meet again
And cook it up for one more dance
It’s who we are

But I swear it’ll be my last
And if I go, I go alone
Yes I failed and I can’t go back
I’m wasted beyond my years
And I breath to let it go

All that I wanted was to slip away
For a little while
Cause I felt alone
And couldn’t keep up with the world

"
9-29-045 by Green Carnation

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